"I am large. I contain multitudes." - Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

It Hit Me Once Again..

.. that I am not a girl's girl.

I don't have a tight group of women friends in my life. I realized that last night when I met up with my goddaughter Ish and her friends for dinner during their Singapore swing on their way back to Manila from Siem Reap. They are a tight group. You can tell off the bat that they are fair-and-foul-weather friends.

I don't have that kind of group in my life.

Maybe it's more accurate to say I had a group like that once in high school, but it turned ugly. I turned into this nasty person you'd really love to hate and so they did and I left the group. Many years later, a couple of them apologized for how they treated me and by that time, I was all healed and whole and it was easy to forgive every one of us for what happened. I see why they couldn't stand me and really, they did me a favor. We're all facebook friends now and we see each other over lunch and a lot of swearing when we get the chance. They're all moms now. Really good moms, I'm proud to say.

But they're not my go-to people when my world turns dark and dreary.

Thankfully though, I did learn to foster good friendships with some women friends. But you know what? None of them are clique-ish. There's no iota of exclusivity in any of them and I realize that I do that on purpose in all the groups I'm in. Even the choir. Especially the choir.

And you know what? I don't feel I'm missing anything by not having that kind of tight group. I have more of the one-on-one type of friendship. These are my go-to people. Most of the time, I don't even really go to them. Just knowing they are there for me is more than enough most of the time.

To be honest, I'm still working on not hesitating on asking for help when I need it. I struggle with that still. I think there are deep-seated issues on that front. But maybe that's for another blog entry altogether.

No comments:

Blog Archive