I am awash with sadness.
I wrote this way back in 2006. Looks like the day has come to put Leo's Biscuit down.
I was just at Leo's place Sunday night, celebrating our friend Max's birthday. Biscuit sat beside me during dinner. I could feel his bony ribs resting on my feet, his face looking up at me expectactly, like he knew I could never resist giving him a treat from the table.
Leo says Biscuit knows who's a sucker for him.
Months back, I gave Leo some money for Biscuit. Given that Leo's between jobs, I wanted to contribute to taking care of aging Biscuit. Leo bought him a month's worth of painkillers. Money well spent, I say.
But she and I both know that today, money doesn't count. I sit here typing away while she sits with her Bis crying her goodbye. It breaks my heart to think about it now. To imagine what she's going through. One of the most heart-wrenching and most loving thing you can do for your dog is to put them down. I am familiar with that feeling. And in some ways, I'm forever changed by it. Your heart's never quite the same after you've allowed another entity access to it.
I want to think of Biscuit when times were good. When he could still see. When he ran around a lot and peed in excitement when guests arrived at their doorstep. I want to remember Biscuit coming out of the kitchen with his face all orange because he devoured a whole papaya! I want to swim in the memory of him keeping me and Leo company all those dinners, all those talks, all those years.
Oh dear, sweet boy. Thank you so much for your company, Biscuit. It was my honor to have made your acquaintance and kept your friendship all these years. When you get to the other side, say hi to Aaron for me ok?
"I am large. I contain multitudes." - Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass
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