"I am large. I contain multitudes." - Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Remembering the Precipice

A friend from choir posted a video this morning on FB of our choir singing at this musical recollection we were a part of almost a year ago.

I listen to it now and find myself amazed at how I feel strangely removed from the Mayang in that video. Made me realize that even in a span of a year, a person can grow and change in incremental but seismic ways. In ways that are mysterious and immeasurable.

I'll spare you the gory details, but suffice it to say that I was going through a lot that time. You know how you go through an emotional ordeal that didn't always feel good while you're on the ride, (even if you knew deep inside that God was working on you every step of the way) but given time you see that it had a purpose? It was that kind of season.

I clicked on the video and it transported me back to her, that Mayang. I remembered what she was going through, where her heart was in her faith journey.

I look at her now, that 39-year-old Mayang in the video and I have so much love for her, you can't imagine! I almost want to take her in my arms and tell her what a good heart she has. I want to whisper in her ear to stop being so hard on herself. I want so much to console her, to reassure her that there will be anguish and tears within days of this singing engagement, but everything will work out. You won't be unscathed, but the scathing will be good for you, sweetie. Trust Aslan on this, ok?

She was on a precipice that day, living out loud. There was no escaping the pain that was to come her way, but I would like to think she made Aslan proud. Because that very day, she did a Eustace. You know, dragon-that-was-Eustace from the Narnia Chronicles' "The Voyage of the Dawn Treader:"

And I thought to myself, oh dear, how ever many skins have I got to take off? Then the Lion said - but I don't know if it spoke - 'You will have to let me undress you.' I was afraid of his claws, I can tell you, but I was pretty nearly desperate now. So I just lay flat down on my back to let him do it.

And so mingled with my empathy for that Mayang was another emotion: pride. I'm proud she kept her eyes on her God. I'm proud she heeded His call to surrender. I am proud of her scars. May it be said of her: she wrestled with God, she wanted nothing but to please Him, she was after His own heart.

(Photo credit: musapix)

No comments: