"I am large. I contain multitudes." - Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass

Monday, January 25, 2010

Coming from a Good Place

I called my Mama last Friday while I was still in the office and she noticed that my throat was acting up. My throat's the first one to let me know if I'm coming down with something, a sign that I must act now and address it or expect to be under the weather for a few days.

In the course of the conversation, she mentioned that it would be good for me to have someone to talk to. I think what she meant by that was that maybe it would be a good idea if I didn't spend so much time alone.

It was the first time my Mama had ever referred to my aloneness that way. And she said it with much concern. It clearly came from a place of love and I realized for the first time that my Mama worries about my being alone in life. It was a bittersweet moment for me. I found myself catching my breath for a moment.

I got to thinking a lot about that during the weekend. (Which would probably not happen I guess if I didn't spend so much time alone, just like Mama said!) I got to wonder how my folks talk about me when I'm not there. I wonder if they're worried that I grow old alone. And just thinking about it moves me because I can imagine them doing that. I can easily picture them talking about me and the roles I have taken and the burdens I bear (which are blessings too) and see them pray to God that He takes good care of me.

When I think of them that way, I am filled with a longing to take them in my arms and tell them "Don't worry. I'm ok. God takes such good care of me." I see too how God takes such good care of them. And every day I look up to the sky and thank God for taking such good care of all of us.

Don't let them worry about me, Lord. Comfort them and reassure them that I am ok. That everything that I do, I choose to do, freely and willingly. And tell them I'm grateful for everything that they've done, for everything that they are to me.

I think I'll write them a letter. It's been a while since I did that anyways. Thanks for the nudging Lord.


bluggerbug said...

Hey, I can be your permanent house guest when we're old and gray. We'll always have a potful of ginger tea to warm and soothe us as we comfortably sit on our rocking chairs while playing mahjongg.

Send that letter to the parentals and tell them not to worry. :)

By the way, today is the feast day of St. Blaise, patron saint of throat ailments. Going to mass at noon to get my throat blessed.

Mayang said...

Hey you! I mailed my letter today. It wasn't as soppy as I had thought I'd write it, but more of a checking up on them.

You're so on! You as a permanent house guest it shall be! :) Strangely enough I am boiling a kettle of water for some evening tea as I write this. On a Friday night. In bed. At 9.30pm. Am I a Lola or what?!

I didn't know we had a patron saint for throat ailments! Thanks for that info yeah.

Miss you!

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