"I am large. I contain multitudes." - Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Notice What You are Noticing

"Everyone must take time to sit and watch the leaves turn." ~ Elizabeth Lawrence

I live in sunny Singapore where there is eternal sunshine with the occasional showers. So Autumn doesn't exist here.

I've also never lived in a country with four seasons, although I have had the good fortune of seeing Summer turn to Autumn when I was in Europe after graduating from college many moons ago.

I'm not sure, but I reckon it must be a little easier for people who live in places where there are four seasons to notice the passing of time. I wonder if it is easier for them not to lose themselves in the busy-ness of their lives because nature itself will give them a nudge and remind them that change is happening. That time has passed and time is passing.

Lately, even without a change in the seasons, I've been going meta a lot. Thinking about what I'm thinking, noticing what I am noticing. I do that a lot when I'm feeling out of sorts. I compel myself to reflection (Sometimes it feels like self flagellation because you know, I can wallow with the best of them.)

There is occurring inside of me, my own change in seasons. I don't quite understand it yet, and I fail in my attempts to describe it in words. But it is there. It is in fact, right here sitting with me.

So I sit with it. Even if I squirm a lot around it, I sit with it. Even if at times it hurts and I cry, I sit with it. I yearn to understand it, I do. And I've lived long enough on this earth to know that if I run from it, I cannot outpace it. It will find me still.

So I sit and watch the leaves turn. And hope that release will come in time.

(Photo credit: Zen Roxy)

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