"I am large. I contain multitudes." - Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Deck the Halls
Faithful is He Who is calling you to Himself and utterly trustworthy, and He will fulfill His call by hallowing and keeping you. ~ 1 Thessalonians 5:24
I'm right smack dab in the middle of Christmas festivities which is typical as we count down to the yearly pilgrimage back to the homeland for a Filipino Christmas.
But I haven't lost myself in the merriment. Don't get me wrong, when I'm there, I'm there, but thankfully, lovingly, Aslan sets me aside as pockets of quiet time seem to be sprinkled in my days of late. There are a lot of times I feel like writing down the waves of my interior life, the laps in which I find peace and Christ amidst the turbulence and the little thoughtful movements that have touched me so.
Truth be told, I cannot find the words to describe my internal rumblings. Yesterday when I sat in front of the altar before choir practice, having the church all to myself for a bit, I got to a place where I found some of the words and I couldn't help but weep. It has been quite a ride, this month. A lot of self revelations where I realize that I am my own worst enemy. It's not an easy purging, and I doubt it'll take just one go to deal with it.
But I'm trying, you know? I'm taking three paces back and just observing my emotions and trying to be kind to myself for once. It is not easy for me and what a difficult revelation that is. To realize that things that are easy for me to give to others, I have a tough time giving to myself.
I know I'm sounding ambiguous, it really is very close to my core, which is why I grapple with even blogging about it. But it's momentous enough to mention, I think.
Forgive me for not elaborating, but suffice it to say I am in the fire. What does Zippy always say? Aslan is not a tame lion. Oh how I know that now.
(Photo credit: Mintyfreshflavor)
Posted by Mayang at 1:52 PM
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