"I am large. I contain multitudes." - Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Respecting This Season

Make the most of your time here.

That's what it said, this blog that I found or the youtube video that found me. Whatever drew which to whom, the connection was made and I sit here not necessarily unmoved. Just bemused. Or slightly affected. Even my enthusiasm for such simple things seems to have taken a leave of absence from my life.

I haven't been writing lately. Writing always forces me to be honest, always presents me with myself and where I am. Raw, unsure, silent and unmistakably sad.

I should learn to teach myself that it's ok to be sad sometimes. I should remind myself that even though there are countless people who have more reason for sadness, it doesn't mean I am spared from the emotion. That I am exempt. That I am able to escape its claws. Thinking that only makes sure that sadness brings along a companion: guilt. Rightly or wrongly, it visits me. Like it or not, I must sit with it even as I go through the motions of my days.

Make the most of your time here.

And here is where I am.

I will sit with it awhile, this numbness. This feeling nothing.

I pray it loosens it grip real soon.

(Photo credit: R.E.M.)

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