"I am large. I contain multitudes." - Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass

Sunday, October 26, 2008

I Don't Think I'm Running the Full :(

I don't think I've clocked in enough miles to train properly for it. And to be honest, I've been in a bit of a funk lately, not caring at all about exercise or eating right and all.

Anyways, I started telling some of my friends from the choir last night about my change of plans. Do I feel like I disappointed people? Not really. I hadn't committed to running for a cause so really, if anything, I feel like I'm only disappointing myself. And I don't even need any help from anybody when it comes to making myself feel bad. I can self-loathe with the best of them.

But I won't. I'll find it in me to be kind to myself. To cut myself some slack. To give myself permission to be in the blahs for a bit. Maybe that's what I need to learn right now.

I find I am in such a weird place: I am disappointed with myself and I can't be bothered to care all at the same time.

I miss the gung ho version of myself. I really miss her.

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