"I am large. I contain multitudes." - Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass

Saturday, May 31, 2008

Work in Progress

"The light is not always “noontime bright.” The walk of faith involves certain leaps, moments of groping in ambivalence, periods of prayerful waiting, times when we have to trust God more than the clarity of His plan. Like Mary, we have to know how to be in silence – keeping things first in our hearts and minds. Time, we must remember, is also a function in God’s creation and plan." ~ Fr. Domie Guzman

Early this year I had written down an additional sentence on my personal manifesto:

"I am learning to accept people as they are, and not get frustrated because they don't show up in the way I want them to."

I'm happy to report that almost five months after I typed that into my life document that I get there more often now. Like anything worthwhile and life-changing, it wasn't easy from the word go. In fact, it was quite the opposite. Like I like to say, anything worth accomplishing / doing / mastering / being is difficult.

Mind you, I lose the plot at times too. I think there will be times that I will. And that's ok. I'm kind enough to give myself permission not to berate myself over those times. Just acknowledge when I've fallen off the wagon and get back on again. No biggie.

I guess what I'm saying is that it gets easier. More second nature. Not quite as natural as breathing, but reflexive, not reactive. Open and accepting. Not closed and denying. "It is what it is," I say. I find that I don't mutter this in resignation, but utter it with no emotional attachments whatsoever. "It is what it is." Cie la vie. Life.

The thing that blows my mind about it is that I find that I have learned to extend the learning even with regards to those who have chosen not to show up in my life anymore.

Imagine that.

A work in progress. That's what I am. That's what you are. I pray we learn to be kind to ourselves. To give yourself permission to be what and how and where you are right now.

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