"I am large. I contain multitudes." - Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass

Sunday, March 09, 2008

Cannot Say Enough

There's this 'friend' who is not talking to me. And it hit me yesterday that I can't be bothered with it. I find myself easily just shrugging my shoulders and letting it go because it doesn't seem to matter to my heart, this falling out. That says a lot to me. It says that that connection was either never really there, or it was too tenuous to withstand time and circumstance. Or maybe - and I say this not to assign guilt, but in a matter-of-factly, this-is-how-it-is sort of way: I was just convenient, and I no longer am.

Cie la vie.

Then, in a seemingly left-of-field way the universe takes in its efforts to enlighten me, I ponder on the friends who are still talking to me. Who choose to remain in the room with me. Who remind me of Aslan because, just like Him, when I am in their arms locked in an embrace no money can buy, I know I am home. Because they hold on to me, even when I let go. They hold on. And for a recovering hide-and-seek addict, that is my drug, my antidote.

So on the bus yesterday, I found myself near tears while listening to MercyMe's "Cannot Say Enough." Because I cannot say enough to tell you how much your choosing to remain in my life means to me. It means the world. And I thank you and I thank the heavens once again for the gift of your friendship.

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