"I am large. I contain multitudes." - Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Hello 2008!


The one blog entry I wrote during my gastranomic three-week Yuletide break:

31 December 2007

New Year's Eve again. Weren't we just here?

It's fascinating and exciting and scary how we don't know what each year brings. When I take the time to breathe and reflect on the year that's passed, I can't help but think it was a trying year, even as it was a blessed year. A year of second chances. Maybe I need to take it all in cumulatively, and not in seemingly isolated incidences. Maybe I need to look at the year not in 'random' events but in a string of 368 days. For it was a year in Ecclesiastes 3:1-8. I guess every year speaks of this Bible reading. But maybe because of the challenges of this past year, I have renewed and profound respect for it because I have experienced it more personally, laced with an internal emotional pendulum that swings from fear to hope, worry to joy, uncertainty to resolute faith.

Papa had said one evening before Christmas that 2007 was a tough year. I replied, yes, but it was a good year. Papa had a stroke, sure, but he was healed from it by God's mercy and today he speaks with hardly a slur. He walks slowly, sure, but better than being bedridden. He's lucid, he's working, he earns his keep. I will admit that there are bad days. But there are good days and there are great days! I don't want to live my life blind to the miracle of Papa's healing. To Mama's relative good health. To a roof over our heads. To a challenging job I enjoy. To a family imperfect and flawed but loving and living as best as we can. To steadfast friends. I choose again tonight to live in full awareness of the countless blessings of this amazing life I live. I recognize and acknowledge it now. My heart is grateful. My heart is full.

So tonight's entry will not be a long one. The year that was was what it was. And it is passed. I just wanted to share something that happened some time back.

Many years ago, just for fun, I went for an aura reading with some colleagues. The woman said that I was sitting on a pot of gold, to which I laughed because at that time - just like most other times before that - I hardly had what would amount to anything of financial worth. And the woman said something that I haven't forgotten to this day: She said that what she meant when she mentioned I was sitting on a pot of gold, was that regardless of how much or how little money I had - whether it was ten dollars or tens of thousands of dollars - I was in a good place. That I was content. And that is my treasure.

I remember that now because that is exactly how I feel about my life. My blessed, grace-filled, mercy-drenched life. As long as I know in my bones that I am not loved by God because I am valuable, but rather I am valuable because I am loved by God, then I am in a great place. He is my pot of gold.

Happy new year! Hello 2008!

(Photo credit: moaan)

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