"I am large. I contain multitudes." - Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass

Sunday, May 13, 2007


A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie. ~Tenneva Jordan

The quote that sports this entry fits Ma to a T. Moreso now, what with taking care of Pa and everything else at home, including her grandsons. I am aghast sometimes at the seemingly bottomless - and sometimes thankless - role that a mother takes on. But Ma takes it with stride and chutzpah and a whole lot of humor and positivity. Most of the time.

But even Ma is human too with all the trappings that go with it and there are moments when she breaks down from being weary-bone tired that I cannot help but tear up myself. In my life, that has happened only a few times. When my grandmother was diagnosed with cancer. The day I left home. Two weeks ago.

I would take the pain away if I could. In many ways, we are in the same boat Ma and I, and no one understands me more than she does. She called to tell me she loved me very much and that she was aware of the sacrifices I've been making just to make ends meet. That means a lot to me. It carries me through these days and months. Gives meaning to the little changes in my life, like taking the bus more often, or saving up on $1 coins or eating out less.

I know she understands because Ma can be brutally frank and painfully distant sometimes, but she's always been a selfless mom. Granted, there were bumps in the road of our relationship, sure. It was not easy going all the time. But relationships are never static and now that I'm older I understand more and more that I may have not comprehended her actions when I was younger, but it wasn't because she didn't love me. And in a warped way, the kind of love she gave me separate and different from the kind of love she gave my brothers, shaped me. And I don't think I've turned out too bad.

Ma has never waivered from her belief in my abilities, and eventhough she shares that with Pa, Pa's the sentimental fool who'd try to hold me back for his sake. Ma would never do that. She would never curtail me from pursuing my potential. And that has defined what motherhood stands for me.

Even if I never get to enjoy the privilege of motherhood, if the only perspective I get on it is from the point of view of daughter, I remain truly at awe with this love that is so great and boundless and so undeserved and incalculable that it is the benchmark with which we attempt to measure God's love.

"Can a mother forget the infant at her breast,
walk away from the baby she bore?
But even if mothers forget,
I'd never forget you—never." ~ Isaiah 49:15

Happy Mother's Day Ma. I love you very very much.

(Photo credit: Dragonfly Crafts)

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