"I am large. I contain multitudes." - Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass

Sunday, April 09, 2006

40-Year Old Virgin

Well, that's really only half true. I'm only turning 36 tomorrow.

I am member of an elite and exclusive group of women over 30 who, when they go for their annual check up, don't need to pay extra for pap smear cause well, we don't need it...yet. My sister Piglet asked me incredulously why that bit of fact isn't on the brochures and I tried to explain to mi hermana without sounding like the social pariah I feel I am at times that it's quite an accepted notion that by the time women get to their 30s, they've been through the cherry-popping experience.

It's a club with very few members, you can imagine. Maybe I should qualify that to say that it's a club with very few OUTSPOKEN members. That's because if you're a member, you don't usually broadcast the fact, even with other active members of the club.

It's a club that rarely talks about the reason why we're STILL members, though there's a lot of existential wondering going on, I reckon. There's probably also a waiting list of members excited to unsubscribe.

It's membership by circumstance and the only one of its kind where members go through moments when they'd actually PAY top dollar to be kicked out of it.

I officially know a couple of members and for those of you whose jaws are still in drop-mode since reading this entry, let me attempt to explain this unusual phenomenon still unexplored by National Geographic. Here are some reasons why women like us exist, or more specifically, why I am still a virgin:

(1) religion - raised Catholic and ironically enough by parents who are not close-minded about their faith. I don't think they'll mind me having sex outside of marriage. But I'd personally want to exchange fluids with someone I have a serious relationship with and since that's my prerequisite and I haven't even had a serious relationship.. I am where I am.

(2) prudishness - yup, major prude, that's me. The older I get the more I know myself and being a bit of a prude is definitely one of those descriptions that fit me. But hopefully one day I'll be able to meet a man who'd be willing to show me the pleasures of the flesh and believe you me, that guy's going to get really exhausted with me.

(3) hopeless romanticism - my best friend Zippy suggested I just go for casual sex and get it over and done with. But deep inside I feel that FOR ME, I'd like it to be with someone I'm so into and vice versa. I can't seem to get myself to do that just to get out of this club. Believe me, I thought about it, but I never got to liking the idea. Besides, who is he to talk when he was a virgin when he got married.

So on the eve of my 36th birthday, a week after my annual check up where I once again declined the offer to get a pap smear, I contemplate my state and realize that I'm ok with it. Really. Because if I ever get intimate with someone - and I obviously yearn for that cause gosh, I'm not dead - I'd want it to mean something. It doesn't have to be fireworks. I hear it's messy and awkward and painful - but those adjectives already describe my life as I know it. Sex would clearly be at home here.


Urbano dela Cruz said...

happy birthday to your blog. and advanced happy birthday to you.

Mayang said...

Thanks Zippy!

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